


Bonds Broken

by TrashficParlour



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, And Tate, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Dark Side, Apologies, Broken Promises, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders is a Dark Side, Emotional Hurt, Flashbacks, Food, Former Dark Side Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Former Dark Side Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Friendship, Gen, It just takes a while, Making Up, Morally Grey Sides, Original Character(s), Post-Episode: Selfishness v. Selflessness, Remus doesn't exist in this Universe, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2020-09-06 18:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20296336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashficParlour/pseuds/TrashficParlour
Summary: What do you do when guilt and pain finally catch up? When you miss what you had more than anything? What do you do when it all becomes too much?





	1. Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Before diving in I'm going to quickly mention the 3 OCs that are referenced in this Chapter/Might appear in later chapters:  
-Tate (Malice)  
-Chase (Obsession)  
-Lionel (Abrasiveness)  
They're all "dark sides". That's all I'm saying about them for now uwu
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of Food, Sympathetic Deceit, Potential Past Unsympathetic Roman and Virgil (up for interpretation)

Roman woke up with a groan. Another day, another script to finish that will just get thrown out eventually. As usual. Letting out another exasperated groan, he reluctantly got up to get ready for the day. Better to not procrastinate. With a snap of his fingers he was out of his pajamas and in his usual princely attire, that he simultaneously loved and loathed. Loved, because it perfectly represented him in all his extra-ness. It incorporated who he was. (Creativity, he told himself. It represented creativity and nothing else). Loathed, because it was a hassle to wear, as much as it had been a hassle to put together. Contrary to popular belief, he didn't just summon it out of thin air. He created it painstakingly, hours and hours of precise placements and sewing. No magic, all hand stitched. If he wasn't so extravagant, he might have just snapped his fingers, but Roman was nothing if not dedicated to his work. (It also served as a grim reminder of the life he left behind, but he preferred to not dwell on that. No use getting upset over times long lost.)

When he was all settled, he decided it was time for makeup. Taking his place in front of his vanity mirror, he began his usual procedure. A little bit of foundation, contouring, a touch of eyeshadow… (Orange and glittery just the way… No. Don't think about it.) He had barely worn eyeshadow for quite a while, but today he just felt off and he knew the eyeshadow would soothe the subtle longing he felt in his guts. He was unsure why it was as strong as it was today. He didn't want to concern himself with the possible reasons either. He would just end up more upset than he already was, he was certain. He had always been good at repression, he thought, giving his makeup the finishing touches. Repress the fear, repress the guilt, repress the past. Nothing out of the ordinary for good old Roman. Blowing his reflection a kiss, because he was rather vain despite his insecurities, he pushed back his chair and stood up, stretching. Before work, he should probably grab a few bites, maybe a coffee. So that's what he did. 

Strolling into the kitchen, Roman had begun to hum a small melody. The Villain Mashup song to be exact. That was still one he took great pri- he cherished the most. To his surprise, however, as he reached the kitchen, no one was yet awake seemingly. Patton wasn't making breakfast, Virgil wasn't half asleep on the counter, and Logan wasn't complaining about his coffee. Odd, truly. Gaze wandering over to the clock, he realized how early it was. Of course he was the only one awake. It was barely 6! “Shoot,” he mumbled, realizing he could have slept at least another two hours. The curse of refusing to look at clocks with calendars on them. Deciding that since he was already awake, he could just make his own breakfast and enjoy the silence of being alone. Fixing himself a cup of coffee along with a crofters toast, he took a seat at the kitchen table and began his feast. A little more than halfway through his little meal, someone else entered the kitchen, very clearly not fully awake. Looking up at them, Roman dropped his toast into his lap, staining the white. No. No this couldn't- No way.

Virgil honestly didn't expect anyone else to be in the kitchen at this time. He didn't even expect to be there for long himself. All he wanted was to grab a small snack from the fridge and then go back to his room. Today wasn't really a day he wanted to spend around the others. He had slept horribly, nightmares plaguing his well-deserved rest. Nightmares and memories, mashed together into a swirl of agony. He had awoken in a cold sweat, immediately knowing what he needed to make himself feel calmer, aside from some calming food. A particular old jacket, barely worn anymore aside from times of great despair or need for comfort, such as today. Jacket wrapped tightly around himself, Virgil's made his way into the kitchen. He didn't even notice the other presence at first, tired and upset. A gasping noise made him whip his head around and he came face to face with one of the people he least wanted to see. 

“H.. hey Roman….”

Roman didn't answer, just staring at Virgil. Looking the yellow, red, and purple jacket over, and over, and over again. His entire system was filled with shock, regret. Tears had already made their way to his eyes, threatening to ruin his perfect mascara if they spilled.

“Do- you know what today is, right?”

He asked after a few seconds, voice cracking. Virgil nodded, of course he did. Roman's blood ran cold and he looked down at his lap, staring at the dropped crofters toast as of it held the secrets to the universe. He didn't look up at Virgil's sigh, knowing it might either be judgy or pitiful. After a few seconds he finally spoke, voice strained.

“I'm sorry,” he croaked. “For ruining everything.”

Roman had made his decision. It was for the best. He couldn't bear this anymore. He deeply regretted telling everyone, and not just Malice, like he originally planned. Because now he had to not only face Tate's condescending remarks about abandonment and cowardice, but also listen to Chase's yelling. 

_“You're- you're leaving us?” Came Virgil's voice from next to Deceit, who had been unbearably quiet throughout this entire ordeal.  
Before he could respond, Chase already intervened. “Oh no he's not!” Unwilling to let go. What else to expect of the embodiment of obsession. _

_“You can't be serious!” “I am!” Roman yelled, much louder than anticipated. He flinched at his own tone. “He won't listen to** Pride **so I just have to be… not Pride anymore.” “But Roman-” “No! I can't do this anymore. It's too much. I want my voice to be heard!”_

_Without another word , he turned on his heel and left. He was surprised, really, that Tate had just let him leave like that. As he later found out, it was part of Tate's ‘greater scheme’, which in itself was something to be feared. At the moment, however, Roman didn't care. He was glad to be left to his own devices._

_That night, Deceit had come to see him. Come to talk with him, maybe change his mind. Roman had never seen the deceptive trait so distraught, so upset. Roman felt awful, but he wouldn't go back on his decision. He couldn't. The argument that followed wasn't pretty. _

_The next time he saw Virgil, he was met with contempt. Roman, who at that point already established himself as Creativity, the goody two-shoes, noble hero, had reciprocated Virgil's behavior. The two fought and spat poison, and behaved like enemies. Keep up the act. Play his role. Be someone else. As an actor, of course, he had mastered these abilities. Nonetheless, it pained him. Hurt like hell. But he played the role he had written._

Virgil shook his head and took a shaky breath. “No, you didn't… It was just the first crack. If anything it was my fault.” Virgil cringed at that thought, moving to sit down opposite to Roman. Now that he was already here…

“I was so angry, so bitter. My behavior turned hostile, even with the others. With Da- Deceit.” He gave a sigh. Deceit had, during their final argument before they stopped talking, instructed him to never use his name again. 

“You don't deserve to use my name. You're one of them now.”

He deserved it, he knew that, but it stung nonetheless. “Me and Dee fell apart, we were always fighting and I did nothing to try and save our friendship. I ruined it. Don't blame any of that on yourself.”

“But I left! It was the stepping stone to set everything off. Because I was selfish,” Roman argued. “I left you and Deceit alone with Tate. I didn't consult in you. We were supposed to be best friends but I didn't even consider your feelings.”

Virgil gave a sigh. “Yeah it was a dickmove,” he admitted. “But… it was bound to happen eventually. You're Pride after all. And I know you don't want to hear that but we are in uncomfortable territory anyway. You're Pride. You want to be heard, to be acknowledged, to be appreciated. So Thomas ignoring you? Of course you could only take it so long. I mean hell, that's the reason I ducked out for a while, as you might remember.”

Roman nodded, of course he did, how could he not? It was the first time he and Virgil started to act like friends again. After the whole debacle was over, he had finally apologized. They had talked things out. They grew closer again. But it wasn't the same, it never would be. There was always something different, something was missing. Roman knew Virgil felt that way, especially considering the jacket he was wearing.

The question of the third member of their ‘Gang’ hung in the air. Overall, there was underlying tension. Virgil found it suffocating, painful. He looked at Roman and bit his lip.

Roman was the first to speak, regret in his eyes. “I want to apologize to Deceit. Today.” “Today? Do you really think he would want to talk to you?” With an unsure shrug, the prince nodded. “It's the day of our last argument. Today would be the best probably. For closure. I don't know if he will accept it, why should he after all? I screwed up royally. But… I want him to know that I'm sorry.”

Virgil nodded, looking at his hands. Apologize… he should do that too. “You're probably right. I'm coming with you. I was a giant douchebag.” It wasn't as if he wasn't aware of how he acted back then. He was just angry, bitter. He felt betrayed and abandoned. Began isolating himself. And it made him feel awful. “We can't let anyone see us though,” he mused quietly. “Tate will rip our head off.” Roman nodded in agreement, sighing. “Dee’s room is farthest from Tate’s, so that shouldn’t be an issue unless we have horrible timing,” he decided, leaning back in his seat, and looking down at his robe. Oh yeah, the toast. With a sigh he picked it up and placed it back on his plate. “... Before we do anything I have to change.”


	2. Disdain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Virgil go to apologize to Deceit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its finally here!!

Deceit didn't need sleep. That's what he told himself at least. This line of thinking was precisely why he was still awake at 6 am on a monday. He had survived his whole life on a diet of coffee and regret, this was nothing out of the ordinary. Was it healthy? Definitely not, but was it effective? Also no. Nonetheless he kept up his routine, downing another mug of coffee. He wasn't really expecting much from this day, he never did. Every year it was the same. The date came around, everyone danced around the issue of why they loathed the day, and he would be sad some. He intended to sleep the entire day and maybe hang out with Chase later, as he had started to do more and more. The obsessive trait was rather good company. With a sigh he pushed away from his desk and headed to brew another can of coffee when he was stopped in his tracks by a knock on his door. Groaning, he contemplated just not opening, before giving in and moving to open it anyway, lest he'd be yelled at by Tate.

Now, Deceit was expecting a lot of things. Tate, Chase, maybe even Lionel. He expected to be yelled at for his excessive consumption of coffee or for still being awake, or maybe even because Lionel found the stink bombs stashed under his bed. What he certainly was not expecting were Roman and Virgil. What he was expecting even less was Virgil and Roman wearing their stupid ‘gang’ jacket (the same one he was wearing as well, but he just pretended he wasn't). They never visited him. Especially not at 6 in the fucking morning. Narrowing his eyes, he looked them over. “What do you want?”

The first thing Roman noticed when Deceit opened the door was how tired he looked. A frown made its way onto his face as he looked his former best friend over, rubbing his arm awkwardly. The second thing he noticed was that he, just like them, was wearing the jacket. The jacket Roman had made for them years ago. His looked worn, more so than even his or Virgil's and he knew that Deceit had been wearing it a lot. Possibly to cope with having lost both of his best friends, possibly for comfort. He didn't know and he sure as hell wouldn't ask. He knew better than that. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it just as quickly, realizing that his plan had no chance of actually happening the way he intended. Fancy speeches and heartfelt apologies didn't work when they were planned, when every word had been considered and replaced to put you in the best light. When they were nothing more than a fancy script. That's not what apologies were.

“So?” Deceit asked, taking on a defensive stance. He didn't want them to be here. He had no idea what they could want, but he was not in the mood for anything they might have planned. He noticed how Roman seemed to falter under his gaze, losing all the bravado he usually held. Virgil was more composed, but even so, Deceit could feel the panic radiate off of him. He was intrigued but far too tired to properly care and look anything but annoyed.

“We wanted to apologize,” Virgil spoke after a moment, fidgeting but looking at Deceit. “We… were awful. We shouldn't have left, we… I'm sorry for how I treated you after Roman left. I was horrible to you.” He rubbed his arm, ashamed as he looked away. Roman sighed before speaking up as well.

“I'm sorry too. I never should have left without at least consulting you. You were my best friend. I messed up I know I did I just… hope you can forgive me.”

That declaration was met with a moment of very uncomfortable silence. Deceit stayed quiet, just looking at the two, looking them over as if to scan them for a lie, a prank, or any sign of insincerity. Then again he would have been the first to know if it was an untruth. The seconds passed awfully slow, tension making the air thick. The silence was suffocating and really, Virgil wanted to scream. It was terrible. Finally, after what felt like hours even though barely 5 seconds had passed, Deceit spoke.

“Okay?”

That single word felt like a dagger to Roman's heart, truly. He couldn't blame Deceit, in all honesty, but god it hurt. Hurt so terribly. They had really fucked this up, hadn't they?

Virgil wasn't much better, eyes widening at the cold rejection. It was deserved, he knew it, but nonetheless it felt like a punch to his stomach.

“Is that all?”

Deceit's voice was impatient and tired, eyes narrowed and gaze cold. It was obvious he wanted them to leave. Even Roman noticed, shifting uncomfortably and nodding slowly. 

“Yeah I… I guess that's all.” “Okay. Goodbye then.”

With that, Deceit closed the door, rendering Virgil speechless. Blinking a few times, he looked between the shut door and Roman, before slumping his shoulders, head hanging low. “Let's get out of here before someone sees us,” he murmured, not really fancying running into Tate. Roman nodded in agreement, giving a sad sigh as he followed Virgil back to the ‘light side’ of the mindscape. 

Patton and Logan were already awake at this point, Patton working on breakfast and Logan falling asleep, as predicted. It could have been a normal morning. It could have been fine. But it wasn't. Nothing was fine. They had presumably lost Deceit for good, and the worst part was that Deceit was completely in the right. Choking back a few tears, Roman made a move to sit down at the table before Virgil pulled him aside. “Take the jacket off,” he hissed, having already made his own disappear. Oh yeah. With a snap of his fingers, the jacket was back to hanging securely in his closet. 

Virgil gave an approving nod before entering the kitchen, trying his best to look as normal and as emo as ever. And if he looked a little more sad than usual? Well he'd chalk it up to something in relation to Thomas. Roman had a slightly harder time, but then again he was an actor. He could hide his emotions rather well. His stride was confident and his smirk was arrogant, just like always. “Good morning dear padre and my dearest nerd,” he greeted, taking a seat.

Back in his room, Deceit sat on his bed, not saying a word. replayed Roman's and Virgil's words in his mind over and over again, trying to make sense of them. He knew they meant them. He knew it. But he couldn't bring himself to believe it. Couldn't bring himself to forgive them, no matter how much he wanted. With a groan, he laid down, staring up at his ceiling and the glow stars. Exhaustion took over and he passed out in a matter of minutes.


	3. Suspicion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chase saw. He goes to ask Deceit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi this chapter is rather short ik, but its the best i can do currently. i hope y'all'll enjoy it anyway.
> 
> also we meet my son chase more in this chap, which is like. hell yeah

Obsession despised Virgil and Roman. Despised that they left, despised that they refused to return. They were traitors. They were filthy traitors and the fakest of friends with no regards to the consequences of their actions. So when he saw them in this part of the mindscape, looking down in the dumps and coming out of the general direction of Deceit's room, his interest was more than just peaked.

His first thought was to follow them. After all he made regular visits to the light mindscape to mess with Roman, so he could easily slip past the others unnoticed and spy on them. But he figured that might not give him answers. He couldn't scare Virgil or Roman into answering him. Deceit however trusted him. At least he was sure he did. So, instead of fruitless spy work, he'd just ask the deceptive trait. 

A quick glance at the clock told him that his interrogation would have to wait a couple (or a few couple) hours. Knowing Deceit, the other wouldn't have gone to bed until just now, passed out due to exhaustion. Maybe he should talk to Tate about it and have the other do something about it. Tate could be very convincing and he knew Deceit was at least a little afraid of the other. They all were. Though so far Tate had never schemed against any of them. They were his family after all, and Tate had nothing if not a strong sense of family

The afternoon rolled around without any significant happenings aside from a very pissed off Lionel screaming something about stink bombs accompanied by the distinct stench of rotten eggs. It was honestly quite amusing, especially seeing the other rave and rant. Judging the way Tate hid his amusement, he seemed to have something to do with it. Chase decided he wouldn't dig. Not worth it and, honestly, he didn't care enough.

At around 4pm, Chase knocked on Deceit's door, humming as he waited patiently for the other to open. Okay, not really that patient, more forcibly so. He had made a promise to not barge into the others' rooms anymore unless it was an emergency. So he waited.

.-.-.-.

Deceit had slept terribly, as was to be expected. Nightmares plagued his dreams, and the fact that he even managed to stay asleep was a miracle. He groaned, having been woken up by banging on his door. Or, well, at least he perceived it as banging with the massive headache he had. Grumbling, he got up and forced himself over to the door.

“What do you want?” He hissed as he opened, glaring at Chase. The other just grinned at him. “To wake you up. It’s afternoon.”

The look Deceit gave him was incredulous. He took a deep breath to not just slap a bitch, instead glaring harder. “Great, I’m awake now. Bye.” His attempts to shut the door in the others’ face were stopped by Chase’s foot between door and doorway. “There was something else,” he hummed, and Deceit inwardly cursed him.

“_What?_” “Careful Deceit, I might think you don’t want me here,” Chase hummed, amused. Deceit decided glaring took up too much effort, instead sighing resigned. “What do you want, Chase?” Receiving a chuckle in response, Chase leant against the doorframe. “What were Pride and Paranoia doing here?”

“What’s it matter to you?” Deceit asked, challenging. Realistically he had nothing to hide, but he wanted to know what Chase’s motivation was. The other never did anything without an ulterior motive. They were very similar in that regard. 

Chase scoffed and smirked. “Now, I’m sure we both don’t want Tate, finding out, hm?” Deceit didn’t budge, merely raising an eyebrow. “And do tell the truth.” “Chase, hate to break it to you, but lying is kind of my thing,” Deceit hummed with a smirk, inspecting his nails in a dismissive manner. “But sure, I’ll tell you. They were here to apologize. I didn’t accept.” “Apologize, hm?”

Chase found it hard to believe Roman and Virgil could even feel such a thing as remorse, but he wouldn’t question. He trusted Deceit. The other wouldn’t lie to him. He nodded and crossed his arms. “Fair enough. Do you want me to do anything about it? Go make their life hell, or is this no big deal?” Deceit shook his head. “Just let them be. It’s gonna make our lives easier and spare us trouble with Tate.” Chase nodded and gave a hum. 

“Alright. That’s all I wanted to know. Speaking of Tate, you should definitely come to dinner before he drags your sorry ass out of your room by force.” With that, Chase turned around and left, leaving Deceit rolling his eyes before running after him.


	4. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner was a rather unique experience today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (cw: mentions of food)
> 
> OC's:
> 
> Chase (Obsession)  
Tate (Malice)  
Lionel (Abrasiveness)

Dinner wasn’t as tense as Lionel had feared it might be. Deceit hasn’t been to dinner with them in a while, almost always locked up in his bedroom, and Lionel knew Tate was unhappy about it. More than just unhappy, in fact. He expected the other to make a fuss, maybe hold a long speech about how important it was to take care of oneself and that Deceit, as self-preservation, should be aware of that, but no such issues. Tate was surprisingly (suspiciously) calm and friendly throughout dinner and it didn’t sit well with Lionel. 

What _did_ definitely sit well with him, however, was the expression on Deceit’s face. The other was smirking as he bickered with Chase about something or the other- Lionel hadn’t really been paying attention. The past few weeks things had been serious, tense, uncomfortable, so this was a welcome change. 

Tate occasionally chimed into the conversation, always trying to get Deceit and Chase to join his morning sport sessions. He already accepted that Lionel would never ever join him, but he hasn’t given up the other two yet. Morning sport was important to Tate and he always preached that if all of them trained together it would strengthen their bond and help them work better as a team. Lionel was, honestly, sick of hearing Tate talk about teamwork. He sounded like a broken record at this point.

“Tate I swear to fuck, stop trying to convince me to do aerobics with you!” Chase huffed and crossed his arms, pretty done with constantly being pestered about the same old topic. To him, it was like Tate was beating a dead horse. “I’m not some middle-aged lady.” 

Tate mirrored his movements mockingly. “It’s not just for middle-aged women, you’re just afraid to try something new. And you don’t want to spend time with me.” He sighed dramatically. “I get it, of course, You’re scared of me, so you don’t want to spend more time with me than necessary, but you know you have nothing to fear . As long as you behave of course.” He smirked.

Chase seemed a bit taken aback by that but shook his head. “I’m not scared of you, dude. You just don’t want to admit that your hobby sucks and no one actually wants to partake in it. You’re just stubborn.” Tate snorted. “So now obsession is gonna preach to us about stubbornness?”

Deceit rolled his eyes. “Ladies, ladies, you’re both pretty,” he sighed. “Can we stop talking about sports now?” Tate looked ready to argue but decided against it. Instead sending a glare to Chase before going back to eating.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

At the same time that the Morally Grey sides (and Tate) were having dinner, so were the so-called light sides. 

Virgil sat at the table, picking at his food and not really eating anything, which earned him a proper scolding from Logan about how important nutrition was, and that he should eat to ensure both he and Thomas would be healthy. Virgil tuned out the other’s voice halfway through, continuing to look down in the dumps and pick at his food.

Roman was similarly uninterested in actually eating anything that was cooked up for them, not even bothering to grace his plate with the honor of being touched by him, just resting his head in one of his hands, and looking at Patton, who was trying to tell some sort of story. Usually Roman would be delighted to listen to Patton’s stories, but he just didn’t have it in him to pay attention to anything today. Very dramatic as always, but today it was just distracting, if not downright aggravating.

Patton eventually finished his story, frowning when be realized literally no one had listened and that everyone seemed rather down. Or, well, more than usual at least. He sighed. “Everyone feeling alright? There’s seems to be a lot of frowny faces in this room, and I sure want to know how to turn them into smileys quickly,” he tried, looking around hopefully. He wasn’t even graced with an answer, and sighed even harder. Well, time to address someone directly.

“Virgil,” Patton said, and Virgil gave a non-committed grumble in response, not even looking up when his name was called. Patton took a deep breath and suppressed a groan. “Are you doing okay? You seem rather down.” Virgil just shrugged in response. “The usual- You know me, always the gloomster.” Patton was not convinced, not by a longshot. Especially because Virgil was a terrible liar, but he was also aware that he would not get an answer out of the hoodie-clad man. So instead he turned his attention to Roman. Surely the prince would tell him what was wrong.

“Roman?” “Hm?” Came the uncharacteristically quiet response. Patton felt like he might yell. “I barely got to see your dashing smile today! Is something the matter?” He tried for a soft and understanding tone, hoping to get through to the other. “I’m fine padre, don’t worry.” No such luck. Patton didn’t try to suppress the groan this time. “Clearly you are not. _Something_ must have happened to you two!”

At Patton’s persistence Virgil huffed and got up from the table. “Didn’t we say we’re fine?” With another huff he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room and towards his own. Patton felt like he might lose his mind. Tearing his eyes off the door that Virgil disappeared through a few seconds prior, he turned to face Roman, who had sunk out as well. Defeated, he rested his head on the table. From beside him, Logan spoke. “They didn’t appreciate you being too nosy.”

Virgil gave a huff once in his room, moving to sit down on his bed. He was aware he just behaved like an angsty teenager, and while he did feel slightly embarrassed about it, he also didn’t care enough, mind occupied by other things. Today had not been a good day. He hugged himself, gaze wandering over to the jacket that lay discarded on his floor somewhere and he bit his lips, a lot of emotions filling him as he remembered the day he received it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was a long time coming and i apologize, i just have not been doing well, really, or been in the proper creative mood for this universe. plus i have a job which also kept me busy. BUT here we are. we got to see some more dark sides interactions. i hope you guys enjoy them as much as i do. ifnot thats fine but they will appear a few more times throughout this fic because they do have important roles. next chapter will be a flashback scene, the one ive been meaning to write for a while! so get hyped for that!
> 
> also someone please help patton, the mans trying his best. i also apologize if any of the characters feel off, its been a whileTM


	5. Melancholy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil delves into the sea of memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Flashback Time, Flashback Time (The parts in italics are flashbacks)
> 
> Only OC mentioned is Chase (Obsession)

_ “Roman what are you doing?” Virgil asked as he approached his friend. The young side was hunched over a piece of paper. The crayons making sounds as they were dragged over the paper. “I’m drawing!” He said, not looking up from his project. “You’ll love it!” At Virgil trying to sneak a glance he huffed, pretty much laying on top of the picture. It would leave a few stains on his very white robe. “No peeking! You needa wait!” Virgil crossed his arms and pouted but nodded anyway. “Fine.”_

_About 15 minutes later, Roman was finally done with his magnum opus, grinning at Virgil. He had a small tooth gap which was pretty apparent. It wouldn’t get better for a while, though young pride wasn’t aware enough to try and hide it. “Go get Dee and then you can see!” He told Virgil, looking very excited about the whole thing. _

_Once Deceit had been fetched Roman told both his companions to sit down and hold on to their seats, because the drawing just might make them fall over in excitement. Proudly he presented them the drawing. It was a simple picture, showing three kids holding hands in what seemed to be a field of flowers, a sun with a wide smile and sunglasses shining above them. “Why is the sun wearing sunglasses?” Damian asked, tilting his head to the side. “Because it’s so cool!” “But isn’t the sun hot?” Roman huffed. “Just say you don’t like it!”_

_Virgil and Damian shared a look. Roman was already tearing up, holding on to the picture tightly, crumpling the edges a bit. “No it’s great, we love it! I’m sorry Roro!” The two moved to embrace their friend, whose sorrow seemed to be very short-lived because as soon as they hugged him he was giggling again. “You two are my best friends! Let’s form a gang! Our own secret club!” Virgil gave a thoughtful hum. “If we are a secret club we need a name! What should we call us?”_

_Silence fell over the children as they brainstormed before Roman giggled. “Cool Club!” “Cool Club?” “Yeah because we are the coolest sides and we are a club!” Now that was enough to convince the other two sides and they nodded eagerly. “Cool Club!” Quickly the name ‘Cool Club’ was written on a free part of the picture and each of the kids left their ‘signature’ (their name in bright colours) on the painting._

_For years the picture hung up on a room the three had declared their ‘headquarters’ before they eventually became too old for this sort of game. The room vanished and so did the picture. _

Unbeknownst to both Deceit and Roman the picture hadn’t just ‘disappeared’ like the rest of the things in the room. Most of them were just conjured up by Roman anyway, so it didn’t really make a difference if they were there or not, but Virgil felt a sort of attachment to the picture. Not that he would tell the other two that. So he had just… snuck the picture to his room where it hung safely on the inside of his closet door. He didn’t want to risk anyone coming in and seeing it, lest he’d be clocked as sentimental. He wasn’t sentimental or soft just… emotionally attached. Plus he didn’t feel like getting rid of it. It served as a grim reminder of that fateful day all those years ago and what happened, what shouldn’t have happened, what could’ve been prevented. He let out a groan and fell backwards onto his bed. “Cool Club,” he mumbled. “I always hated that name.” 

_Over the years the name ‘Cool Club’ slowly fell out of style until none of them actually said it anymore. Though their ‘club’ didn’t go unnoticed by the others, and it brought along some more or less teasing nicknames. The one that seemed to stick was ‘P Gang’, coined by Chase. It wasn’t particularly creative or made that much sense. When asked to explain he just said “Pride and Paranoia”. At the question of where Deceit would fit into that nickname, Chase shrugged and answered “D no P.”_

_It was an incredibly stupid nickname, and missed the mark for a proper insult by a long shot. It didn’t take long until they just adapted it for themselves. Or, well, Roman and Virgil did. Damian really wasn’t a fan of the whole thing. Too bad that he didn’t have a choice in the matter. His opinion was overruled and ‘Cool Club’ became ‘P Gang’. _

_That name never really went away, even as they grew up to become actual adults._

Virgil sighed glancing around the room again, gaze once more landing on the discarded jacket. Stupid piece of fabric. He sighed loudly.

_”You made us a jacket?” Virgil asked, inspecting the clothing carefully. It looked pretty, he wouldn’t deny that. He just didn’t understand why. Roman nodded quickly. “Yeah! I wanted to try myself in sowing and stuff anyway, and I thought ‘why not make something for our gang’! I know, it looks quite fabulous, don’t mention it!” The look on his face definitely disagreed with that statement. Roman wanted to hear praise about how great it was, as was to be expected of the incarnation of pride._

_The jacket was in the style of a varsity jacket, the sleeves a pale yellow. The majority of the fabric was purple with the accents being a dark red. The colors, though not necessarily anyone’s first choice for matching threads, definitely worked well together in this constellation. On the back it had a big letter, detailing what their trait was (a P for both Roman and Virgil, and a D for Damian). Underneath, in smaller letters, it said their trait as well. Pride, Paranoia, Deceit. A lot of thought had been put into it, that was for sure. And it was handmade as well…_

_Roman was looking at his best friends expectantly, almost bouncing on the spot. Obviously very proud and wanting to receive compliments. Virgil gave a hum, shrugging of the hoodie he was wearing to put on the jacket instead. He said nothing for a second or two before he hummed. “Comfy.” Damian shrugged before going to do the same, nodding in agreement with Virgil. “Not bad, not bad.”_

_Roman lit up at that, grin widening. “I’m glad you like it! See, I know that you refuse to wear anything with short sleeves, Virgil, and a scarf or a hat simply wouldn’t have been enough! So, I decided I would make all of us a jacket to wear instead!” He barely left the other two time to answer before he already began rambling about how much fun sowing was, and oh, these threads are absolutely terrible, don’t use them. Virgil and Damian let him talk, knowing it made the other happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got to the part I've been building up to for a while! I know the first flashback kinda came out of nowhere but I found it pretty important. Also I realized I made a mistake in and earlier chapter and said Virgil made the jacket when it was supposed to be Roman, so I went ahead and fixed that in the earlier chapter. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I do! And this is also the first time Deceit is properly referred to as Damian. There's a reason it's only in flashbacks :P


	6. Sincerity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tate is ominous, and Chase confronts Roman

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OC's used:  
Chase (Obsession)  
Tate (Malice)  
Lionel (Abrasiveness)

Chase felt it was in everyone’s best interest to let Tate know what he saw. The other would put an end to whatever was going on before things could get out of hand, Chase was sure of it. He didn’t know how, but that was for Tate to figure out. 

After dinner concluded, both Lionel and Deceit had crawled back to their respective caves of rooms, which led Chase and Tate to have some time to talk. A good opportunity would be over the dishes. Tate complained that no one ever helped him anyway, so obtaining brownie points as well as letting Tate know something fishy was going on? He saw no downsides to his plan.

“Tate?” “Hm? Did you finally realize that you were being a jerk over dinner and came to apologize?” “No, not really.” He grabbed a dish towel and began to dry off some of the plates Tate had already cleaned. “Then what do you want? You don’t usually help. I’m not doing you any favors.”

Chase huffed. “Why do I always need to want something? Can’t we just spend time together?” He didn’t need to look up to know the look Tate was giving him. “Okay fine, whatever. I saw Paranoia and Pride sneak around here earlier. Visited Dames, apparently.”

That certainly caught Tate’s attention. He gave a hum. “Visited him? He doesn’t let anyone in, does he? So I’d put it into more of the category of ‘tried’.” Chase shrugged. “Could be, I dunno.” He did know, he just didn’t think it was wise that Tate knew about it; the other should figure that out himself. Deceit obviously wouldn’t snitch and he always had plausible deniability, so this was his safest bet. 

Tate was suspiciously quiet after that, the only sound the clank of the plates and mugs hitting the surface of the sink. It put Chase on edge. Faintly he wondered if Virgil could feel it, but that thought was banished quickly enough. Fuck that guy. Then he wondered if it was obvious to Tate. The other had experience with this. _He_ was the one that generally used to put Virgil (and with that Thomas as well) in such a state; afraid, stiff, nervous. Chase was unsure if he seemed tense and he didn’t really have any way to check without seeming more suspicious, so instead he carried on as he had before. 

“I am not worried,” Tate finally said, after what felt like an eternity. Chase could hear the satisfied tone and he was now sure that Tate had relished in putting him on edge. “I knew this would happen eventually. I already have a plan.” “Oh?” “They will pay, they all will.” “I repeat myself: Oh?”

Tate chuckled, a genuinely haunting sound in certain situations. “That’s none of your concern. That’s for me to know and put into motion. If I need your help I’ll tell you. Now shoo. You don’t want to help me anyway.” “But-” “I said _leave.”_

Tate’s commanding tone left no room to argue and Chase nodded, before hurrying out of the kitchen. He didn’t want to mess with Tate when he was angry. It was in everyone’s best interest to not test the other. Still. He couldn’t help but wonder what Tate meant, let alone what that meant for everyone. He would make them pay. How? For what, he knew. For betraying them, leaving them. But why now? It had been so long. Surely Tate hadn’t just pretended nothing was wrong all this time. Maybe he had had this plan for quite some time. Questions were buzzing around in Chase’s head and he wasn’t sure if he could get answers to any of them. He figured he could try though. For as much as he had pretended towards Deceit earlier, it was just pretend. He was interested in what Roman and Virgil had to say. Why they only wanted to apologize to Deceit. He couldn’t really pretend it didn't hurt. So he would simply ask them. 

Sinking out and rising up wasn’t much his style. He preferred to move quickly, unseen to the casual eye. He preferred it to casual walking as well, but he had promised the others he wouldn’t just ‘teleport’ anymore. That was bullshit of course. He couldn’t teleport, just move very fast. Either way, he promised the others to not do it anymore. Though this time he’d make an exception. The opportunity to scare Roman was too good to pass up. With a hum, he rose up and, before Roman even had the chance to notice him, he was already sitting on top of the other’s desk. He glanced around, surprised to find Roman lying face down on his bed. Whatever happened to him?

“You know Pride, you really aren’t holding up to your trait. You sure you aren’t ‘down-in-the-dumps’ instead?”

His tone was amused, snarky. Roman’s face was shocked, pale, and it amused Chase incredibly. Though that wasn’t what he was here for.

“Save your breath, don’t tell me about how you are ‘Creativity’ now and all, I know all that jazz. You tell me every time I come here.” “Then why do you keep insisting I’m Pride?” “You can take on a new name but it doesn’t change who you are. You know that and I know that. But whatever, that ain’t why I’m here.”

Roman narrowed his eyes, sitting up properly to take on a protective stance, crossing his arms. Obviously wary, obviously cautious. Chase didn't really like the look of it. It wasn’t something he’d seen on Roman often and he had to admit he would prefer it staying far, far away from the other. He didn’t want to think about why that was. That was nothing he needed to concern himself with. 

“Why are you here then?” “I want answers. I saw you ‘n Paranoia in our hallway earlier. Dame said you tried to apologize. Now you’re here moping. What’s the deal with that?” “Why do you care?”

Good question. Why did he care? Curiosity, obviously. Nothing else, surely. Definitely not. Roman wasn’t his friend anymore. Hadn’t been in a long time.

“Curiosity killed the cat ‘n you were the one that used to call me cheeta, so kill this cat with whatever info there is. Plus I don’t like the way you look all upset and shit. Doesn’t fit you.” 

Roman hesitated for a second. “You mean it? You’ll listen, and not shut me down, or laugh, or whatever dumb thing?” Chase nodded. “You know me. Why wouldn’t I? Do the others not listen?” Roman averted his gaze. “I don’t really tell them anything,” he shrugged, though Chase could hear something else in there. He decided not to dwell on whatever that was. That was none of his business. “I’ll listen. I’m Obsession dude, and you already peaked my interest now, no gettin’ rid of me.” Roman let out a noise that might have vaguely resembled a chuckle had he been feeling better and shrugged. “Be my guest, I suppose.”

He still didn’t look at Chase, quiet for a little. Chase could tell that he was considering his words. He could also see that it wasn't working very well. When Roman groaned he knew the other would begin talking. Roman was always easy to crack. Though… something about this was different.

"I feel so bad," Roman began and Chase could hear the truth in those words. "For everything! For leaving, for lying, for abandoning all of you. I shouldn't have done that, I… I let my pride get the better of me." He took a shaky breath. "Get it… Pride?" Chase gave a hum.

"I was so stupid. I just wanted to be listened to! And, well, _Thomas_ listens to me… sometimes. He listens to Patton and Virgil a lot more and if I can't get Patton to listen then he never even considers my input!" A few tears glistened in Roman's eyes. "You saw it with the trial! I _want_ to go to the callback, but now we aren't going. Oh deities, why did I sentence Thomas to go to the wedding?" He looked at Chase. "Am… am I a bad guy, Chase? Is that what's going on here? I thought I could leave that behind but… it follows me doesn't it?"

Chase stayed quiet for a little, choosing his next words carefully. This was a lot to take in but first and foremost he felt like he needed to reassure Roman.

"You aren't bad, you never were. Just ‘cause Thomas saw you as bad doesn't make it true. Ask-" He was going to say 'Ask Damian' but he felt that would probably make things worse. He was never really good at being careful with others. "Ask Virgil. Didn't Thomas accept him too or whatever? Even though he loathed him way back when? He wasn't bad then, right? 'N neither are you." 

Roman nodded, falling quiet again, just a few sniffles filling the air. Chase had the faint urge to do something about that but he didn't even know what to do about it anyway, plus it really wasn't his place, was it? After a while, Roman spoke up again.

"Do you hate me?" "What?" "Do you hate me?"

Chase wasn't expecting that question. At all. He didn't have an answer ready. For all he kept harping on how much he hated Roman and Virgil… did he really? He didn't know. Hating them was easier than missing them and being hurt. He didn't want to think about either possibility, and so he had no idea how to answer. For the first time since entering the room he looked away. 

"Dunno."

With that he sunk out before Roman could ask any more questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :') Character development for my boy Chase. Also like,,, there's smth going on in this chapter I hope you guys will have caught on because it's very important to me


	7. Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan goes to check up on Virgil, and hears a secret he wasn't expecting.

Logan wasn't sure what had gotten into Roman and Virgil, but he felt that perhaps something should be done about it. Virgil being moody was not too out of the ordinary, but Roman behaving similarly could certainly not be good for Thomas. Although... he couldn't fight the thought that even if Virgil was usually less than enthusiastic about most things, this was different. Either way, both of their behavior could certainly be detrimental if kept up, so he decided to intervene. However, he was not on the best of terms with Roman, as one might say, so he decided that his first stop would be Virgil, and then possibly Roman, if Patton hadn't already gotten to him.

Making his way to his acquaintance's room, Logan pondered how he should even start addressing the situation. A soft approach would surely be the best, but he really wasn't good at that. He didn't want to be blunt either, so he just hoped he would find a solid 'middle ground'. Maybe he should start by asking how Virgil was doing and slowly work towards the issue. Maybe. He had no idea how any of this worked if he was honest, he wasn't the emotional control center, and he knew that Logic and Feelings often were on different sides of the spectrum. Oh well. Softly he knocked on his friend's door.

"Virgil?"

Logan was a little discouraged when he didn't receive an answer but decided to not indulge that feeling, instead just knocking again, a little louder this time around. It was a reasonable assumption that Virgil just didn't hear him the first time, after all. His knocking skills were rather lacking, as he usually didn't decide to stoop to such primitive matters of communicating his presence. He just entered, but something nagging was telling him it would not have been a good thing to do in this moment.

Even after his second knocking attempt, he didn't receive an answer for a full minute (he counted). He was ready to leave. Maybe Virgil had fallen asleep or he did not want to talk. That would be a reasonable reaction. As he got ready to leave he heard the other call out to him.

"Come in."

Logan noted that Virgil's voice cracked a little, and he should definitely ask about that, to make sure the other was drinking enough water and not catching a cold. He wasn't sure if they actually could catch a cold or not, but better safe than sorry, that's what Virgil always told him, and he trusted Virgil. Plus he knew the other was more knowledgeable on safe _and_ sorry than him. He had never been sorry in his life.

Slowly he entered the room, immediately being aware of all the stress oozing off of it. It wasn't particularly nice, and it almost acted as a sort of pressure, constricting him and hindering his ability to breathe. It was worse than the last time he was here, and he would have to do more research on that when Virgil was feeling better. He didn't want to upset the other more by making him his subject of experimentation when he was as down as right now. For now he tried to shake off the suffocating feelings and sensations, so he would actually be able to help Virgil. He couldn't do that if he felt just as down, after all.

The room was completely dark and Logan had to squint to really make anything out. It got worse when the door slammed shut behind him, the room morphing into vague shapes in various shades of black (no, not grey. There was a clear difference between grey and a shade of black, and he would die on that hill. Only metaphorically of course, he did not fancy the idea of actually dying), and he could have sworn he saw the outline of unspeakable beasts running around; though perhaps that was Virgil's doing and it was simply anxiety playing tricks on his mind. As logic he was, sadly, very prone to be overpowered by such feelings, his perception of the world muddied by the prospect of threats. Fight, flight, or freeze was one hell of a drug. Even with the limited light sources in the room he was able to make out the outline of a... ball? Perhaps more a curled up figure, lying on the bed.

He hesitated for a second before approaching said figure, as it could only be his friend of course. He kept his distance of course, not meaning to intrude in Virgil's personal space; especially not in a time like this, where respected boundaries were incredibly important. Logan was not always the best at understanding them, but tried his best to respect and adhere to them. Even if he himself didn't feel, he knew the other's certainly did, and an important aspect of intelligence was social intelligence. And, well, it was something he sadly lacked. But that was why he was always learning!

…

Where was he? Oh yes, right. Virgil.

He was still thinking of a way to start addressing the state Virgil was in when the other spoke.

"What do you want? I'm sulking." "I can see that, yes, but you seemed to be 'off' today. I wanted to come here to ask you if you perhaps wanted to talk about it. I know that addressing your feelings with someone generally helps."

Virgil groaned and Logan feared that the other would block his attempts, but then, with a hand motion, he turned on the small bedside lamp.

"Fiiiine."

With a huff Virgil sat up and Logan could properly see how beaten up Virgil looked. Well, not literally of course. It was an idiom he had learnt from Patton, though he feared he might have misunderstood it a little. Neither of them were quite known for knowing idioms correctly. Though his unfortunately lacking memory of common quips and phrases was not the focus right now. The focus was on Virgil. Logan could identify the red eyes and the running eyeshadow as a clear sign that the other had been crying. And, well, it did concern him a little. Virgil was upset or 'edgy' a lot, but the other didn't usually cry. He frowned.

"Save your pity, I don't wanna hear it. Guess you wanna know what's up."

Virgil's voice sounded... defeated, tired, hoarse. The last two surely came from crying (not that Logan had any experience with that), but the first one was another point of concern. Logan really wondered why it was Virgil of all people that brought out such... well it wasn't emotions. It was worried curiosity. (Best to ignore the fact that worry could be classified as a feeling. He didn't feel anything, after all.)

"I don't 'do' pity. I am simply here to inquire the reason you have been so down in the figurative dumps. I do think that you feeling alright and being in the best shape you can be is important." "Damn Lo, I didn't know you were so caring."

It was meant as a joke but there was an underlying tone that Logan couldn't quite place. Relief, perhaps? He wasn't sure.

Virgil stayed quiet for a little and Logan let him, willing to wait until the other was ready to speak what was on his mind.

"Have you ever fucked up? Like real bad?" Virgil's voice eventually broke the silence.

Logan had to admit he was a bit taken aback by the question. Had he...? Of course not. He was logic. He always functioned perfectly. Without flaw and error, as he should. Slowly he shook his head, as to not insult Virgil by claiming his perfection.

"I cannot claim that I have, no. Though I suppose you have. Would you like to tell me about it? Perhaps your perception of it is a bit warped, and I might be able to help you understand that it is not as black and white as you might think."

Virgil's laugh confused him a bit. He was of the assumption that this was a serious situation, not some joke. Though he wasn't ever really good at distinguishing jokes from other forms of conversation, so maybe it was on him.

"You're too good for this world Lo," Virgil mumbled, smiling at him before sighing and shrugging.

He let himself plop back down onto his back, staring up at the ceiling and looking a bit forlorn.

"You know how... I am now a part of you 'light sides' or whatever? And I used to be kind of rude before you guys accepted me and all?" "Of course I do. Though I have to say I cannot fault you for being rude. It was rightfully so, we did not treat you well at all. Me and Roman in particular were just as rude to you in retaliation." "Yeah about that..."

Virgil took a deep breath as he sat back up again, rubbing his arm as his eyes darted around the room before they stilled on Logan. Logan could definitely notice a hint of desperation in them, though perhaps he was interpreting a bit there.

"Logan, you gotta promise you won't tell anyone what I'm about to tell you, okay? Please." "Okay, I will not. It seems to be important to you and I am not one to tell secrets. So yes, I promise."

He held out his pinky finger in a way he had seen Roman and Patton do before. 'Pinky promise' is what he remembered it being called. He wasn't quite sure what a pinky finger had to do with a promise but well, if it showed he truly meant this gesture then he would do it.

Virgil was a bit perplexed but chuckled a little as he did the pinky promise with Logan.

"Okay so... Roman and I... So you know how there are the others? That Roman calls 'dark sides' yeah that... that used to be us? Me 'n Ro left them somewhere around this time a couple years back." He had begun fidgeting as he spoke. "That's why I fucked up. I left them. My 'family', just left 'em behind. Even after being so angry with Ro when he did it and I feel so bad about it."

He had begun siffling again, averting his gaze because he couldn't look at Logan while he spoke. He wasn't really sure what he had been expecting with this. Some reassurance maybe, for Logan to tell him he didn't ruin everything. Perhaps some help on how to fix this. Anything really.

Logan stayed quiet as Virgil talked, just listening. When the other was done he didn't say anything for a minute or two, letting the new information sink in as he debated on what would be the right thing to say in this situation. This obviously seemed to be a big stressor for Virgil and he could tell it was a sensitive subject. In the end he opted for a small smile.

"I am glad you trust me enough to disclose this information to me. I am sure you didn't 'fuck up' as badly as you think you did. Perhaps making amends and apologizing would be in your best interest."

Logan was, in all honesty, not the best at this whole 'comforting' and 'apologizing' business, though he really was trying, he was promised. He was sure that Virgil's problem could be fixed with a bit of effort, and, if Virgil wanted to, he was sure he could help.

"I tried that," Virgil mumbled. "We tried to apologize to Dee today but he... he didn't really care 'n just sent us away. And I _know_ that you don't apologize to be forgiven, and I didn't really expect him to, but I just want to make it up to him and the others! You know? 'Cause I don't think Deceit believed us and I want them all to know that we mean it!"

Virgil sighed, burying his face in his hands before he groaned loudly.

"Why is this so hard? Why did I even think this would be a good idea in the first place?" "Well, it did give you new friends, did it not? We are friends now, so I would count that as a positive to come out of this whole situation. And as your friend I would be glad to help you fix your mistakes. Therefore, after you have apologized to your old friends you have come out of the situation with new friends as well. It would be a net gain."

Virgil blinked at that, confused for a second, before he smiled. Well, this went better than he had expected. Having Logan's help meant the world to him.

"Thanks, Lo. You're the best."


End file.
